How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
