You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would ride that face into the sunset
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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