I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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