no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Michael Bay diarrhea
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
