I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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