they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
