HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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