what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize