I am puke
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Your penis caused this!
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