Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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