DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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