neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
