JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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