Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize