Do you still have your period?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
