he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
