The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
