my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
