Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
