their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
