I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize