didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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