Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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