Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
