i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is her dick bigger than yours?
pray to the hookup gods
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
