meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
