Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
