im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize