got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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