She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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