I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
