the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
