Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
