So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
