Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize