Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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