i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
