He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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