So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
