Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
