I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
