I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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