am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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