What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
worst night to have a conscience
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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