I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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