I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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