Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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