my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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