Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
