If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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