I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
