Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
