community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
