I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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