dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize