hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
