I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize