carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
