I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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