And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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