Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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