his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Of course I have a pirate flag
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
