I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
