I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
