Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
