never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
