break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The maid of honor just puked.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
