i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You smell like stripper and shame
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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