Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
