I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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