Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
