his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
