my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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