go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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