Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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