I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
