Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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