In the future we'll all be gay
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
