I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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