Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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