If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
