can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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