im drinking this country out of the recession.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
