if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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