The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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