I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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