"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
