I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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