the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
