Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize